Kickin’ Foods for the Dynamo Game: Real Salt Lake Saturday at 8:30 on KUBE 57

As the workweek mercifully comes to a close (unless you are a KUBE employee, in which case you are in mourning that you have two days without working), it’s time to start planning this weekend’s activities, especially when it comes to food options. And unless you haven’t noticed, this weekend has a few sports games on TV, not the least of which is our Dynamo facing Real Salt Lake in Utah at 8:30 this Saturday night on KUBE. (Don’t forget to start the night early by tuning into the pre-game show at 8!) So go grab an apron and let’s get started on planning a few easy-to-make snacks that will get you through the Dynamo game.

As a culinary genius, I am often sought out to offer advice and tips on the right foods for the right occasions. That’s not exactly 100% true. I have no cooking skills, save for boiling, reheating, and barbequing. And no one asks me for any hints as to what to serve with what. HOWEVER, I have a blog post to write so let’s pretend I am not a future contestant on “Worst Cooks in America.”

First off, this is Houston. In Houston we love our Mexican food and other than French toast, no Mexican food is easier to prepare while providing a complex array of sensual delights for game day than nachos. Chips, cheese, salsa, and whatever other ingredients gives your belly a smile. Lay the chips down as the base, pile on the cheese, sprinkle or drown the mass with your favorite salsa, nuke it, and chow down. Just respect the rule of the nucleus chip (See ‘King of Queens’ for clarification).

Another snack food that is both simple and tasty is good ol’ fashioned hot dogs. Boil or grill some wieners (microwaving them is sacrilege), heat up some buns, top with mustard/relish/chili/bbq/another hot dog, and you are in tailgating heaven in your own home. NOTE: It is against federal law to apply ketchup (or catsup, si vous préférez) to any food falling under the ‘hot dog’ umbrella. Doing so is punishable by up to a lifetime of shame and ridicule by friends and family and me.

Speaking of Thai food, another Houston food tradition is bbq. We love our brisket here, so if you have about 12 hours to spare prior to game time, smoke one and enjoy it during the game, after the game, as a midnight snack, for breakfast… Ahem. Other options include ribs, chicken, sausage, pork— whatever your slow smokin’ heart desires. (Definitions of the ‘bbq’ and ‘grilling’ and ‘smoking’ and ‘buying take out’ differ, but for my purpose, it’s all bbq.)

Finally, don’t forget the light snacks between the main dishes to keep your metabolism crying and your tummy smiling. A friend’s son is fond of sunflower seeds while watching soccer. It seems that boys of today are not that different than boys when I was his age: They like to spit, and sunflower seeds provide a tasty vessel for just that. Other items, such as chips and salsa (leave enough for nachos), cookies, snack mixes, etc., also are perfect in-between noshes.

Whatever your stomach and your kitchen come up with, make sure the main course is Dynamo vs. Real Salt Lake at 8:30 on KUBE, brought to you by Xfinity, Hilton Furniture and Bonobos. And don’t forget our pre-game show at 8, which will give you everything you need to know about the match and how to use this one weird trick that the banks don’t want you to know about to make money.*

* By ‘how to use this one weird trick that the banks don’t want you to know about to make money ,’ I mean if you ARE gonna smoke a brisket, send me some. Oh, one final tip: Anything can be made better by adding bacon, especially when the food you’re adding it to is bacon.

Written by Kevin Scott

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